A mixed up, jumbled up mess

Was out practically the whole day yesterday.

10.30 am: Brunch with Xinmin and Na.
3.30pm: Den school.
7.30pm: Dinner with the Porks.
11.20pm: Home at last.

Surprisingly, the best part of the day was at school.
Had some small talk with KatKat.(Kit Kat)

Was like talking about friendship relationship stuff and i just couldn't help but agree more.

She did mention that sometimes,
when you start getting closer to someone(friend),
you just can't help but feel possessive over him/her.
That's just because you really care for what you share.
But many a times, it just seems like a one-sided thing.
Cos you will just end up expecting that person to this or that.
Treasure that relationship you THOUGHT you have,
when actually you don't.
(Yup! 2-faced Deep-Shits. Cos to me,
HONESTY AMONG TRUE CLOSE BUDS,IS THE BEST POLICY. 
even if it's not what i wish to hear. )
And it's not exactly their fault to be insensitive or careless.
It's your fault for just putting too high hopes on them.

She did also mention that, yes, it's just friendship only.
But YOU JUST CAN'T HELP IT.
And you just can't help but fell hurt in the end.

So her conclusion was to not have too close friends
in order to protect herself from all the one-sided hurt.
it's practically a win-lose situation where the other party takes it all
while you on the other hand loses every. single. thing.
NO POINT.

But the ultimate question is..
Is it worth the pain?
Are they worth it?


When you start thinking about it,
from all the past experimenting,
they usually, most of the time, don't deserve all these sacrifices.

cos i happen to read this somewhere:

If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Don't bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.

So in reply to this quote,
I will not make the effort to those who i made an effort to,
but did not do the same in return.
I've got to learn to love myself more.
Cos some people just wouldn't appreciate those unspoken gestures.
And they would never do so much for you.
& they'll just never understand.
i should just invest THAT wasted effort on someone else,
somebody else whom i believe would value it.


So from now on guys,
I'm just gonna simply ask you for the sake of politeness.
I'll not harbour any hope for anything else MORE than that.
Don't feel pressured or obliged to do so without even WANTING to.
It's your life, your choice.
and mine.




It's funny why i am so vexed by all these kinda chummy issues when others my age are fussing over their love lives.